It’s Monday evening, I’m home from work, and that means one thing: It’s time to watch Mad Men online. This week, I shall be watching in the style of Don Draper, the dark heart of the show. Here’s my checklist:

1) Play around with big accounts at work without consulting anyone, jeopardising the whole company, only to win big with a last minute inspired pitch to a big company. Usually involves a radical approach along the lines of “But we don’t actually show the car. Or the name of the company. Or anything ….”

2) Have a whiskey and a cigarette to celebrate (or to use as a time to reflect on my lack of feeling and emotion).

3) Undermine Pete Campbell, the talented obnoxious young Don Draper wannabe. Preferably let Pete do most of the work in getting accounts to the company and generally trying really hard and sucking up to all the clients, then I’ll swoop in and seal the deal by exuding uncontrollable levels of cool. Maybe Pete will want to celebrate with me, or simply go for a drink, or anything to get my slightest approval. I will not give him this.

4) Have a whiskey and a cigarette to celebrate.

5) Invite Roger Stirling in for a whiskey and cigarette. Be bemused at his banter.

6) Perhaps I will disappear for a few hours or days to tend to my latest existential crisis and go visit an old flame or meet a wise old man in a bar or hang out with some hippies and try some of their hippy drugs anything ANYTHING to try and feel something damnit!! But none of it works and I lose patience and get bored and trudge away, lighting a cigarette at the door as I leave and probably saying something disparaging. Also have a whiskey and cigarette in the airport en route home.

7) Be always indifferent and bored and passive-aggressive towards my wife.

8) Sleep with lots of women. But really fall for one (not my wife). A different one every season I guess would be enough. Feel like they will fill the hole inside of me, but of course they won’t and I will chase them away or find out they like me and I will run away. Women be crazy amirite?

9) Definitely do not spend time with my children. I think I have 3?

10) Drink some more whiskey and smoke many cigarettes.

11) Drink an Old Fashioned. Look cool in a suit.

Ok clearly I have a lot of preparation to do before I can watch Mad Men online tonight. Maybe I picked the wrong person. Don Draper must be miserable after going through this kind of preparation. Also I don’t have a nice enough suit.

Next week I’ll watch Mad Men online in the style of Harry Crane. That’ll be much easier:

1) Watch a lot of TV and generally feel underappreciated.

I think I’m there already. Anyway, if you’re interested in watching this show then I highly recommend checking out this site: http://ladiesandmadmen.com. It has everything you need.